I believe that if there were ever a time to panic, the time is now

So we are now just days shy of the one year anniversary of having our house listed on the disaster that is the real estate market.  If Me Now could go back and talk to Me Then about what was to come, I would probably just hug my terribly hopeful, naive self.  There would be no promises that things would be okay, no words of wisdom to just have patience.  Keeping the house in perfect order for showings, the treacherous roller coaster that was waiting to hear good news or bad from potential buyers, and keeping my kids in a constant state of clean and run was no way to live last summer.  And when it got to be too much by last September, we took a leap of faith with the offer we had secured, and we bought our new place. 

Of course you know the story, that the offer fell through and we ended up with two houses.  Then the second offer at Christmas time with the same unhappy ending. 

We've been carrying two houses for close to nine months now, and if you're guessing that we're under a bit of stress, you'd be right.  That, coupled with Kevin's awful work hours and the fact that I'll be delivering a baby at the end of the summer has been a lot to deal with, especially lately.

From Day One we tried to keep a positive attitude, always saying that our turn must be right around the corner.  We've knocked 25% off of our asking price, willing to go as far as receiving not a dime should we ever close on this place.  We just want to be free of it.  Last fall we raked leaves as needed, shoveled snow all winter, and now have begun cutting the grass and keeping the yard up again.  We kept the place lighted and heated and cooled as temperatures rose and fell in order to have comfortable showings, and we've cleaned and cleaned and cleaned.

Back in January when we learned that we were pregnant with our third child, I immediately began thinking about what that would mean.  Obviously, it meant re-buying every baby item since we'd gotten rid of everything before the move, sure that we were finished having children, and I also thought about a larger vehicle, having two in diapers, formula, insurance, and so on. 

We realized fairly quickly that, thanks to the double mortgage situation, buying a larger car was out of the question.  We'd have to cram our kids into what we had and hope for the best.  That was almost easy to deal with.

Next went our plans for any more upgrades to the new house, and sadly we said goodbye to the idea of our badly needed summer vacation.  As things got tighter and the baby's birth draws nearer, we've looked into downgrading Kevin's car, though found that not to be an option since we owe more than it would trade for, and thus the decision that if nothing else we could save on the cost of gasoline and Kevin would begin riding the train to and from the city.  This, of course, takes away his freedom to leave work when he's ready as he must rely on a spotty train schedule.  And I can tell you, for a man that leaves at 5am for work every day and arrives home at 10:30pm?  It's a sacrifice to not be able to hop in the car and head home on his own clock.

Going back to work for me, at this point, is not an option.  Teachers in my neck of the woods make little more than one flipping burgers at a local fast food joint, and to swing daycare for two - soon to be three, would barely be covered by my salary.  We'd be lucky to break even.

And so the latest to go has been our application to the private school we'd enrolled KJ in for kindergarten.  More than anything else, this was one "extra" that we wanted to proceed forward with in spite of the house situation.  But from the moment I signed the papers (and payed the three hundred dollar registration fee, EEK) I worried about how we could possibly swing it.  I spent hours re-working our monthly budgets, and I knew that we'd really be risking the last of our financial stability, and we had to create a new plan.  Thankfully, our son has been just fine about the whole thing, happily acknowledging that the public school has not one, but two playgrounds, which sort of makes me glad for him and breaks my heart all at the same time.  (And it's not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with public schools, it's just that we had a preference.)

Which brings us to now.

Now Kevin and I have both been even dealing with the situation in our dreams at night, feeling sort of sick all the time lately - needing something to just happen already.  We really did think that once Christmas passed, once the new year began, once the snow melted, once spring arrived, once the weather warmed up, once the tulips bloomed, that the house would sell.  And so we continued to give it as fair a chance on the market as possible.

But this sick, worried feeling in my gut is one that I cannot shake.  I feel like we're drowning and can't find the surface of the damn water.  I wish that I could detach emotionally from the situation, and put an end to my belief that good things just happen to people who are doing their best.  Because, seriously, it's tripping me up.

I bought a rental sign yesterday.  We originally said that April 30th was our deadline for sitting on the market, but the icy cold feet are playing a prevalent role in my ability to take the next step.  I've been reading a book on property rental and paging through the informative documents that have been shared with me.  And for a million reasons, I still abhor the idea of renting this house out.  First and foremost, I've got enough going on with caring for the boys and getting ready for the next baby, and obviously Kevin has no time to deal with renters since he spends ninety percent of his week in the city.  The roof needs to be replaced, the basement seeps water every time it rains, and the mortgage company does not allow for rental properties.  (Of course in discussing re-fi's with other banks, we have to leave the house off the market for 60 days before they'll even look at us, which would mean more carrying costs.)  I worry that someone will break a window, scratch the hardwoods, or let the cat they're secretly keeping pee all over our new carpeting.  I worry about getting a renter, and keeping a renter, and what to do if they fail to pay.  Those are bigger problems than I even have now, with it sitting there empty.  (Except for the assholes who dumped a large cup of chocolate ice cream all over the floor to harden while I was in the hospital last week.  Thanks.)

I barely even know how we got here, in such a predicament.  But I'm so very troubled about the entire situation.  I don't know whether it's time to rent because every time I think about it, read about it, talk about it, I feel sick.  But I know we can't go on forever blowing ourselves up financially, either. 

I feel like we've exhausted every channel and are at the end of our rope.  We've waited patiently, taken leaps of faith, and held on tight.  And now we're really, really at a loss.

Comments

[Rachel]

Molly, I want to just give you and Kevin both huge huge hugs. I know how emotionally draining this has to be for both of you. Damn this economy. It's hard for anyone to be able to make it anymore. I am hoping and praying that everything works out and that you and Kevin get those things that you have worked so hard for.

[crookedeyebrow]

Oh Molly, I wish I knew some magice strings to pull for you and your boys.

We have all wished, hoped and prayed for the selling of your house.

Hard, tought decisions, but may it will be the best route for you all. At least for now.

Keep up the positive thoughts. They will work...

[erica]

Oh Molly {{hugs}} to you. It really does suck. I am in the same (sort of)predicament you are in, two mortgage payments, insurance, taxes and all the other bull that goes w/ owning a home (x2) Now we have renters and every month I hold my breath, until their check has been successfully deposited into our account. Then I go back to figuring out how I am going to keep doing this for another 18 months. Something will give. It has to. For you, me, and the hundreds of thousands of people that are in this same predicament or similar situations. Then we can have a huge glass of wine and laugh freely!

[liz]

i hope it was a freeing experience for you to write this out... and i wish that i could just come and give you and kevin and the boys (and the belly!) all big, reassuring hugs.
i don't have any words of wisdom or any guarantees, but i have lots of love and support for you guys.
and also baby girl things that will begin shipping to you by the end of the summer.

[Isabel]

All I can say Molly, is good luck to you guys!

[debi]

Like everyone else has said, I send you and Kevin hugs and lots of them.You have done everything right. You busted you ass with the painting and cleaning and recleaning and the yardwork ect. It is truely heartbreaking to know you are going through this. I have thought for a while now that I have slipped to Gods "B list" when it comes to hearing of prayers. But still, I will be praying that you find wonderful renters and make them put up a large deposit and they have no pets and things are smoothed out before your new baby girl makes her appearance. Like I have said too many times, I love your little house and cannot understand how it is still sitting there without a family within. I do know this, if any 2 people can make this work it is you and Kevin. My love to you all.

[Amy W]

I really feel you on this one, although it's only been a month for us with two mortgages, unfortunately our second mortgage is higher than the mortgage on our house in NC. Not fun.

We have ours listed for rent, rent to own, sale. Whatever, we will take it.

[Laylabean]

I can't believe you've been dealing with this for an entire year. Ugh! I'm so sorry, I really hope things will resolve soon - to your advantage. I share your feelings on renters, I don't want to deal with that either. *hugs*

[Frema]

You and Kevin have been real troopers through all of this. Eventually, it WILL happen for you, I know it. But I'll pray to expedite the process. :)

[Liza]

I know the horrible feeling of having $-anxiety-house driven dreams. I once dreamed that the roof caved in and crushed us in our sleep.

I am so sorry you're going through that unbelievable stress right now.

[Hilary]

I'm so sorry. Things are very scary for a lot of people right now. You are so good about being positive and looking on the bright side. Try your best to hold on to that. Big hug.