Flip This Mess

Yesterday afternoon I took a "before" set of pictures of the upstairs to mark the starting point for Project Holy Crap.  I started out photographing what I hate most, which is the terrible craftsmanship that the previous owners put into the place.  Then I moved on to show you a few general projects we'll be taking on... 

The previous owners?  I despise. They were the ones who finished the upstairs.  They built the Steepest Stairs Ever Built on the Planet Amen.  (I was totally not kidding you, eh?)

 

They're the ones that built nasty lopsided dresser into the wall, and as if that wasn't bad enough, they broke a drawer leaving a gaping hole into the great abyss that is my roof.

They built the bedrooms with the charming cove-style beds in the wall, but also the partitions for a thousand closets.  Literally, the room is broken up into six spaces on either side - two beds, three closets, and the nasty home-made dresser.  (See Sant's bed?  She totally sleeps on my brother's old Power Rangers sheets circa 1990.  Just don't tell her I told you.)  (Oopsie! Hi Sant!) 

And on those partitioned walls to make them once-upon-a-time function as closets?  Are these Home Made Closet Rod Holder Uppers: random sized scrap wood slightly notched and crookedly nailed to the walls.

In case you are wondering, I totally cannot believe I am showing the entire internet this disaster - both the storagey-cluttery mess as well as the ghetto-fabulous craftsmanship that I paid real money for.  I hate that we overlooked so much when we decided to buy this house.  I was twenty-one years old and thought we could fix everything. 

Thankfully, when I was twenty-one years old and thought we could fix everything, I was about ninety percent right.  We can fix most of it, with a little courage and a lot of hard work.  It is overwhelming to look at as a whole, but project by project I'll bring the sexy back.  The main floor of our house as well as the exterior looked this way when we first bought the place, and over the years we have pulled it together.

So last but not least, I give you the other room up there.  It is a walk-through to the main bedroom, but has a closet, and no built-ins.

It was sold to us as a fourth bedroom, but I plan to stage it as a sitting room.

   

It also has amazingly beautiful fabulous to-die-for I am so full of shit lighting:

And not one, but two built-in mini-doors that do not stay flush with the wall and lead to nowhere.

I totally feel like I am hosting an episode of Flip This House right now.  Except it takes us seven years to flip a house, rather than three weeks.  We do what we can.

So my plans include, in the next four to seven days (wait until you hear this) (I have incredibly too much faith in myself)

1. Learn to sew.
2. Make window treatments and closet curtains.
3. Empty entire attic.
4. Tear out old nasty built-in dresser (see picture above) and put up new wall.
5. Tear out wall containing one of two pointless doors (see picture above) and install new wall.
6. Paint entire attic from ceilings to trim to walls.
7. Buy second mattress for second bed cove.
8. Tile closet floors.
9. Install new lighting in each room, closet and stairway.
10. Paint stairway. 
11. Build and stain new stairway shelves.
12. Have everything done before the Lowe's carpet dudes show up to finally cover up the damn bare subfloors we've been staring at for almost seven years.
13. All while keeping my kids occupied.

I am nothing if not ambitious.  And I totally plan to do this again with our next house.  And you get to watch, you lucky old thing you!

Comments

[Kev]

We can do it! (Said like the Cajun from "The Waterboy") This is going to be fun, hard, but fun. I will start calling myself Kevin Mantalongo :)

[aunt kathy]

Hey Molly, Just remember who you are and where you come from. If your Mom and your old Aunt could do it so can you. I have every faith in you.

[Dave S.]

Good Luck. I have a ton of respect for your ambition. My wife and I re-did our bathroom last year so I know how hard it can be. Love those ghetto rod holders. Do I detect drunk home remodeling? For a nice break, check out my exceptionally well-written post of today. Dave S.

[Frema]

Oh my gosh, I'm completely exhausted after reading your list. You guys ARE ambitious! But you can do it. I remember the first time (aka the only time) you showed me that space and I fell in love with it. It'll look awesome when you're done.

[A.J.P. Taylor]

Looks like the previous homeowners:

1. Raised and trained mountain goats on the stairs.

2. Were convinced (by strong drink, no doubt) that not only were they carpenters but that they could operate tools at all.

3. Figured that mystery doors create the illusion of more space and, well, mystery.

4. Thought they'd teach those uppity cabinet makers and furniture companies a lesson for once and for all.

5. Were convinced that trecherous angles and hairpin turns were best suited to a situation where people fall down easily.

It seems like a lot, but the journey of a thousand nails begins with a single pull.

Here's a (potentially dangerous) thought: use your men as the wrecking crew. Demolition is easy, fun and if I were a kid and given a hammer and told to have at it, it would be like Christmaeasterbirthday.

(From that last statement, if anyone was uncertain whether I am/plan on being a parent, it should have made things crystal clear).

[Silly Hily]

Wait, did I read that right? Did you really say 4-7 days? You mean weeks, right? No? Oh my, Molly, step slowly away from the alcohol that the previous owners left behind. (You too Kevin.)
You are a brave, brave woman. I wish you luck. Much luck. And I can't wait to see pictures along the way.

Oh, and does anyone else feel like The Diary of Anne Frank could have been filmed in that attic? Those stairs...that bookshelf...all I could think of were the Franks.

[Sant]

Oh hi Low! And thanks for the dictated tour of my sleep grounds. I must say, it was a little odd for me last night to be getting ready for bed and see writing all over EVERYTHING. I hope this was a lesson to Kajey to do as you say, not as you do... and if not, good luck with scrubbing-- I hear Mr. Clean erasers work wonders:)

I know it's all very overwhelming now, but just like a good episode of Designed to Sell, I think in a few months you'll be blogging about your "several offas"- per Clive Pierce, of course:)

[Stacey]

Good lord...welcome to my OCD world. "It must be done, and it must be done NOW." That is my mantra.